OPINIONS
TIPS
WOW!!! Hard to believe we, my wife Arlyce and myself, Art have been involved in foster Care for 30 years. The time went by so quickly I can see why nothing seemed to change in all that time.
Our first placement in 1975 was a fine young man of 17 with a bit of a mischievous smirk on his lips. Good looking, athletic and very polite. I figured foster care is a going to be easy.
Things went well for a few weeks. Then it started, on Easter Sunday we awakened early as we were going to my sister-in-law's house in the cities for Easter dinner. As I walked into the garage I noticed the garage door was askew and raised about a foot from being closed. I went from the service door to the garage door behind the car and found the doorframe broken and the door was out of the track on the passenger side of the car. I went over to the passenger side of the car and could not believe my eyes. The whole passenger side of the car was gone, ripped right off. This was my brand new car for work. The car was totaled out and only 2 weeks old.
Well, we all got through this and the young man was still alive.
The next years went by very quickly but contain many stories I will share over the next few weeks.
In 2004, our last placement was a fine young man of 15 with a bit of a mischievous smirk on his lips. Good looking, athletic and very polite. I still figured foster care is a going to be easy.
Things went well, there were a few bumps in the road but after 16 months of consistent expectations and support he was becoming a wonderful person to be around and do things with. Then one morning I woke up and went to get him up so he could go to school and you know what, he was gone, I figured he went to school early as he had done once in a while before. I went on about my morning business and got ready to take my wife's brand new Durango to get the oil changed and required service performed. The Durango was gone, I figured my wife forgot I was going to get it serviced and took it to work. I went to get my car in the other driveway and it too was gone. I called my wife and asked her which car she had at work and she said "I have yours you are getting mine serviced this morning." Then I knew what was happening. I called the police and reported her Durango stolen. It was found a day later 100 miles from our home totaled out in the middle of a swamp near the Twin Cities.
I hope this helps you understand why it seems to me that in 30 years of Foster Care, it ended as it started . What has changed?
There are some things people should know about child rearing, (before they have them), children, that is. Perhaps the high schools would be a good place to make this knowledge available, at best, required for graduation. My personal opinion is that child development stages are very important for people to understand. If they had this information, before they had children, they would have an edge on how to react to many of the things children do as they grow from birth to adulthood. Many behaviors are misunderstood by new parents, and rightfully so, kids don't come with a handbook, and if you think about it, how many of us really took the time to explain things to our children when they were children. That is assuming we learned and remember these things ourselves because by the time our kids have kids, they think we're ready for "Oldtimers" disease. Anyway, here are a few of the most misunderstood things kids do and parents react in a careing but unknowing way.
OK here we go!!
Adolescents avoiding contact upon returning home from being out with friends.
Answers for these in the future.
Lack of academic performance in school, not getting school work accomplished.
Kids not listening to or following your direction, young or teens!
Having trouble getting your kids to bed at night?.
Try this;
Get them up earlier in the morning. If you get them up earlier, they will be ready for bed at the
proper time. It also is easier to keep kids up than to get them to go to sleep. Most important, you
need not fight with them the last thing each day.
Kids always asking for money?
Try this;
Give them an allowance! Read on don't throw this one out. If you are giving them money as they ask for it, and not everytime they ask, it is still most likely a lot more money than they need and more than you can afford comfortably. Add it up sometime, you will be surprised. When you add it up you will be able to figure out what you feel they need for expenses and set the allowance accordingly. Pay it weekly and never borrow money to them. Give them extra work to do, not everyday chores, to earn extra money for additional play. Remember allowances are for their fun times, movies, video game rooms, snacks while out, etc., not for all expenses. Allow them to learn how to budget and manage their money. Here is a link to a very interesting look at this issue with excellent additions and is also a viable soulution written by Bob Beaty